Tag Archive for 'communication'

Make yourself uncomfortable with NLP

Published in Anxiety and Stress, Conscious Leadership Training and NLP. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

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Condoning or Condemning?

Keeping things simple can be a comfort. But sometimes comfort does nothing to move you forward. It doesn’t challenge you, or help you to learn new perspectives, and create new possibilities for yourself.

I am talking about the assessments we make of others.

You ask yourself, “Do I agree with you?  Do I accept you? Am I safe around you?”

If  you conclude, “I disagree. I don’t trust you.” You might also inadvertently add “I don’t understand you,” “I don’t like you,” or even “Because your belief system and values are different from my own there may be something wrong with you.”

Sometimes the most interesting thing can be to spend time with someone who is completely different from you. It may challenge you. It may be uncomfortable and edgy. But it  may teach you something new about yourself and your own presuppositions and assumptions.

If you always need others to agree with, it may be because you lack confidence in your own perspectives; or it maybe that you’re just taking yourself too seriously.

If you have only two options:

  1. Agreeing, condoning, liking, approving, trusting, or
  2. Disagreeing, condemning, disliking, disapproving, mistrusting.

then you may be missing a range of other possibilities:

  • challenging your assumptions and strategies
  • refining your communication skills
  • deepening your empathy
  • getting over yourself
  • having more fun
  • learning to be more flexible
  • deepening your perspectives

In the world of NLP it is axiomatic that to help other effect genuine change it’s essential to respect their model of reality. Otherwise, how do you imagine you can genuinely communicate with them, let alone influencing them? Beyond that, it’s also to your benefit to do so.

Respecting others’ model of reality doesn’t mean condoning that model; but it does save you the aggravation of having to oppose it, condemn it, or persuade them they are wrong.

What sort of anxiety would lead you to spend all your time only with those who agree with you anyway?

Stretch a little. Spend a little time with people who make you uncomfortable and notice some of your patterns which, once noticed, you can change – if you choose.

You don’t need to know anything about Neurolinguistics, or NLP, to do this. It may just be an expression of you own evolving emotional intelligence.

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Published on February 11, 2010

How You Change What’s Not Working

Published in Hypnosis, Stop Smoking and Weight Loss. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , .


Transformational Change

Five questions about generative transformation

generative changeWhat is Transformational Change? Transformational change is generative change. Personal change comes about in many forms and for many reasons. Most change, most often, is to accommodate outward circumstances. It is remedial. We react rather than truly respond. We react automatically, based on what we already know, rather than looking for new, and possibly transformational solutions. So often we struggle just to extricate ourselves from present difficulties, rather than looking for new ways of doing things which will support us in an ongoing way to transform our sense of what is truly possible. Transformational change is regenerative change. You can even call it generative in that it allows you to come to entirely unprecedented perspectives, with unprecedented capacities for innovation and solution based responses to hitherto intractable problems.

Is Transformational Change permanent? By implication transformational change means a permanent shift. Transformational means never being the victim of circumstances again. It means using skills that allow you to recognize that everything you experience from this moment on can be taken as a lesson, a guide, and even a gift. When you make this perceptual shift, whenever you face a new challenge or a disappointment,  instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?” you will ask “What can I learn here?”

What aspects of my life does Transformational change touch. Were does it fit in? Is this a spiritual practice? Is it psychology? Is it learning new communication skills? Is it learning to navigate relationships more skillfully ?  Is it business coaching? Is it personal development? The answer is yes. It is all and any of these. The more you live not just as the accumulated effect of everything that has touched you, but as a cause, as someone who lives at choice, the more you instinctually appreciate that everything is interconnected and part of single integrated whole. As you live by this systemic perspective, releasing old patterns of though, feeling, and behavior become second nature to you. Why would you need to entertain negative emotional states again?

Does Transformational change take long? Does this work of effecting transformational or generative change take a long time? Here’s a parallel question. If someone shows you a shortcut that will cup your daily commute in half how long will it take you before you use it  every day? When you’re ready to change, change happens very quickly.  The foundation for this work can be undertaken in a couple of days  of intense one-on-one focused process that will transform the way you think and feel, and in addition will give you the tools to maintain and deepen the transformation we co-create together.

Do I have to meet with you in person? You are welcome to do that, and I personal enjoy working face to face at out Los Angeles office, or at our retreat in the mountains, however we can meet equally well by telephone.

I hope this answers some of your questions about transformational change. If you would like to schedule a complimentary no-obligation conversation with me please contact me directly

Tel +1-310-339-1660
Email  info@caitrionareed.com

Published on February 7, 2010