Do you even remember what it was you lost? You’re certain that you’ve lost something, but you can’t, for the life of you, remember what it is!
My father-in-law had mislaid his walking stick. The dementia he suffers from shows up in different ways at different times. Sometimes he’s coherent, and at other times loses the thread of his reality. He’ll be is watching a movie on TV and dodging John Wayne’s bullets, or offering his encouragement and advice to a jilted lover. Distinctions and boundaries between things disappear completely.
It helps me appreciate the apparent continuity that most of us enjoy, and marvel at the everyday mental abilities most of us take for granted.
My father-in-law knew he had lost something. His walking-stick is something he likes to hold as he sits in front of the TV, a reassuring and comforting object. But he wasn’t clear what it was that he had lost. He knew he had to search. He looked for it on the table.He looked under the DVD boxes. He picked up his headphones, his coffee mug, his shoes.
I asked him what he is looking for. He said he didn’t know.
He said that maybe it was something that goes over his head and covers his ears. He made a gesture of putting on headphones.
I asked if it’s his walking stick that he’s lost . He says he wasn’t sure.
Then I brought it to him from the other side of the room.
“Is this it?”I ask.
“Yes, yes, thank, thank you very much,” he says.
He knew he had lost something. He knew that he felt less than complete. Something was missing. When he found it he felt better. He was himself again.
I wonder what it is you may have lost, or forgotten about, or can’t recognize, which, when someone helps you find it, will allow you to feel whole again. What’s missing from your life that you may have grown accustomed to? What will change when you find it? Like coming home after a long absence, remembering who you truly are.
